We all overthink things at times, especially when stressed about something specific. But overthinking can become chronic and can adversely impact our wellbeing: the thoughts feel impossible to ignore, drain our energy and cause us sleep problems.
There are lots of reasons why it happens. For some of us overthinking may stem from perfectionism and a fear of making mistakes. We may go over conversations we’ve had, second-guess decisions, or imagining things going wrong. For others, it can be an unconscious coping strategy to avoid difficult feelings like guilt, shame, or fear – they try to think their way out of things, to feel more in control and less vulnerable. Overthinking can become such a habit that we don’t even recognise when we’re doing it, or we may waste time ruminating on things that really don’t matter.
It’s important to realise that overthinking is not a character flaw – it comes from a place of wanting to feel safe. Berating ourselves for our thinking patterns will only add to the cycle of worry and anxiety. Instead, it may help to get curious about our thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge them and be grateful for them, but then look for some perspective. For example: ‘I’m worried I might have upset my friend. How do I feel about what I said? How realistic are my thoughts? Is it likely that they’re upset? Is there any action I could take? Or can I let this worry go?’ The key is to start paying attention to the way we think, so we can understand ourselves better, and break unhelpful habits.
Making new habits can also help. You could try these strategies:
1 Schedule ‘worry time’ to think about what’s bothering you. Writing your thoughts down, or recording voice notes, can help you set aside your worries and get on with your day (or sleep).
2 Practise mindfulness to help you stay in the present, rather than worrying about the past or future.
3 Tune in to your body rather than staying stuck in your head. It could simply be breathing more deeply or letting go of muscle tension. Move around, get creative, sing, go outside.
4 Try positive visualisation. Picture a situation turning out the way you want it to.
5 Be kind to yourself. Try telling yourself, ‘Thank you for my thoughts, but I’m going to move on to something else now.’
Overthinking is a hard habit to break, so don’t beat yourself up if it takes time. Be sure to reach out for help from trusted people, or a professional counsellor, if you need to.
