A person who experiences disturbed ways of thinking, impulsive behaviour, problems controlling their emotions, intense but unstable relationships and fears about people abandoning them, get easily frustrated and have difficulty controlling their anger, blame other people for problems in their life and behave aggressively, upset others with their behaviour, and other problems such as depression and drug addiction, might have received a diagnosis of mild, moderate or severe personality disorder.
I see these experiences as manifestation of great distress, rather than as symptoms of mental illness. If we find ourselves in an ongoing challenging situation, particularly in childhood, experiencing intense stress and anxiety, but we can’t escape from that situation, then it’s possible for our threat response (fight/flight/freeze) to become highly active which can result in a combination of the issues above. These ways of relating to others, behaving and experiencing intense emotions can have profoundly adverse effects on our ability to maintain self-care, work and relationships.
In therapy I provide neuroscience psychoeducation so that my clients can fully understand what’s going on and why, that their bodies and brains are reacting in biologically correct and predictable ways: they are not broken, their feelings are entirely valid. I then teach them how to notice that their threat response has been triggered and what kind of people/situations/places/relational dynamics tend to cause that (different for each of us). Then we focus on the skills, tools and tactics needed to find their way to rest and digest, as soon as possible, so that they can think straight and feel comfortable, both physically and emotionally. We also spend time considering new choices about developing healthy habits (physical, emotional and cognitive) which will help to ensure that their threat response is less sensitive (less easily triggered, less often).
I then invite them to consider their family of origin experiences so that they can understand why they interact with others in the way that they do, can consider whether that’s hindering them, and if so, how they can learn to communicate more authentically and get what they want and need from their relationships. I also invite them to tell me their story, when they’re ready, to consider their ancestors experiences (inherited family trauma may be relevant), their childhood experiences, and everything that they have experienced since then, good and bad, to help them to make sense of why they may feel the way they do, and to fully appreciate the context of their lives. Once they understand their sense of self and their “life script”, they can start to consider how they might like to change them for the better.
The combination of gaining new perspectives about what’s going on and why, making new choices about what to do about the things you want to change, developing new skills and healthy habits, and feeling the benefits of those can lead to a real sense of freedom and agency, which is so important for our wellbeing.
You can find out more about inherited family trauma here https://www.theexetercounsellor.com/epigenetics-and-inherited-family-trauma/.
You can find out more about my therapy and fees here https://www.theexetercounsellor.com/how-it-works/ and options for contacting me here https://www.theexetercounsellor.com/contact-me/.
