Discrimination is the process of making unfair or prejudicial distinctions between people based on the groups, classes, or other categories to which they belong or are perceived to belong, such as race, gender, age, religion, disability, physical attractiveness or sexual orientation. We can experience discrimination within our family of origin, in education, in social situations, at work, generally in society, or more likely in many or all these settings. Experiences of regularly being treated less favourably than others can be extremely distressing as they trigger our threat response (fight/flight/freeze), leading at best to stress and anxiety, but more likely to anger and rage that can feel impossible to express directly, and at worst to depression, self-harm, and suicidal ideation.
Even when the experiences are indirect, subtle, or unintentional, but still communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative attitudes (microaggressions – thinly veiled, everyday instances of racism, homophobia, sexism, ableism) they can have big, life-changing impacts on us, especially when experienced repeatedly, in many different settings, over many years/generations. We can end up internalising a sense of low self-worth which can impact the choices we make about work and relationships, limiting our prospects even further. Not feeling accepted by our family, friends, colleagues, community or society at large can lead to an internalised sense of guilt or shame which can feel unbearable. Hence, fear of not being accepted for who we are can lead some to present themselves in a “more acceptable” way which isn’t their real self at all, doesn’t feel authentic or comfortable, and they then have to constantly deal with the fear of being “found out” (imposter syndrome).
In therapy I invite clients to tell me their story, to consider their childhood experiences and everything that they have experienced since then, good and bad, to help to make sense of why they may feel the way they do, and to fully appreciate the context of their lives. I also provide neuroscience psychoeducation about threat response so that they can understand what’s going on and why, that their bodies and brains are reacting in biologically correct and predictable ways: they are not broken, their feelings are entirely valid. I then teach them how to notice that their threat response has been triggered and what kind of people/situations/places/relational dynamics tend to cause that (different for each of us). Then we focus on the skills, tools and tactics needed to find their way to rest and digest, as soon as possible, so that they can think straight and feel comfortable, both physically and emotionally. We also spend time considering new choices about developing healthy habits (physical, emotional and cognitive) which will help to ensure that their threat response is less sensitive (less easily triggered, less often).
The combination of gaining new perspectives about what’s going on and why, making new choices about what to do about the things you want to change (and grieving the things you can’t change), developing new skills and healthy habits, and feeling the benefits of those can lead to a real sense of freedom and agency, which is so important for our wellbeing: it’s possible to discover your true self, embrace self-compassion and free yourself from the burdens of discrimination.
You can find out more about my therapy and fees here https://www.theexetercounsellor.com/how-it-works/ and options for contacting me here https://www.theexetercounsellor.com/contact-me/.
