We can become hidden: by family expectation; by embarrassment, by shame or shyness, by ending or forming relationships; by always trying to fit in and follow the crowd; by focusing on achievements and doing instead of discovering who we are and feeling good about that; by a fear of not looking ‘right’. These are all ways in which we mask who we truly are.
We are shaped by our family, our relationships, the places we live, the groups we belong to, the stories we tell ourselves or were led to believe. But these things can drive us to hide our glorious, unique true selves. If we think we are ugly, we hide our beauty. If we think we are stupid, we hide our intelligence, our innovations, our imagination. If we believe we shouldn’t be weak or vulnerable, we hide from asking for the help we need. If we believe we are defined by our job status, we keep striving and working and producing and hide our playful, spontaneous, joyful selves, rarely resting. If we have been led to believe our opinion doesn’t count, or is foolish, we will become small to keep the peace. If we believe our past failures define our future, we hide our ideas and our unique personality.
However, if we can find the courage to understand all the ways that life might have hidden the real us, we can consider leaving any habits and traits that no longer serve us in the past and instead discover our true self, the us that was there before culture, the expectations of others, and life experiences changed us. This can have a profoundly positive impact on our health and wellbeing.
We are evolutionarily driven to find connection, to love and be loved. Love and belonging are essential for surviving, let alone thriving. So, hiding ourselves, trying to fit in by losing who we are, is disastrous for our holistic health and happiness. Life becomes a fascinating but troubling loop: we hide to fit in because we are driven to belong, BUT if we aren’t belonging honestly as who we really are, we aren’t belonging at all and our health will suffer.
We seek love and security by doing all we can to prevent anyone hurting us or shaming us. Maybe we’re stuck in perfectionism, comparison, busyness, workaholism or people-pleasing. No wonder so many of us are tired and anxious, and no wonder that the top regret of the dying is “Wishing I had the courage to live life true to myself, not the life others expected of me” (from Bronnie Ware’s book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying). Many people end up protecting themselves by putting on masks that become exhausting to maintain. Living from a rock-solid belief in our true identity changes everything. Instead of viewing statements like “love yourself” and “be your true self” as trite or naff or hippie nonsense, if we can understand them scientifically and spiritually, they might be the foundation for great health and a joyful life. Can you find the courage to live life true to your authentic self, not the life others expect of you, to discover better health and joy?
