Our bodies are designed to respond to touch, and not just to sense the environment around us. We have a network of dedicated nerve fibres in our skin that detect and emotionally respond to the touch of another person affirming our relationships, our social connections and even our sense of self. Touch is something we associate with emotional closeness, and we associate the absence of it with emotional distance. We may not fully appreciate it, but in pre-pandemic life there were literally dozens of small moments of touch throughout the day. So, what happens when we don’t receive that? For people who have now been living without that connection for a long time, it can be incredibly difficult; there’s something that feels very distancing and cold about not having any kind of option for a hug, and that can leave long lasting scars. The benefits of touch that we are missing out on are not just emotional and social but also physical; it can reduce pain and stress, as well as giving us a general feeling of well-being.
Here are some of the ways that we can ease the difficulty of living without this closeness — both for ourselves, and the people in our lives:
- Take a shower or have a warm bath. Although it doesn’t elicit quite the same physiological response as interpersonal touch, the slow movement of the water on our skin is likely to generate a similar response. Having a warm bath also relaxes your muscles, which can help to alleviate tension.
- Cuddle a pet or ask to walk someone else’s. Just being close to a furry animal has been shown to lower our stress, reduce our heart rate and blood pressure. You also have a social relationship with your pet — they rely on you and need you.
- If you are able to see anyone in person, be wholly present — even if you can’t touch. When we remove touch from our social interactions, we should consider what else we can emphasize instead. Maybe we could be better at looking each other in the eyes, if we do have physical meetings. We can make sure that we see each other, because touching a person is a way of saying ‘I see you, I acknowledge your existence.’
- Don’t be afraid to have deeper, more meaningful conversations where you really listen — especially if you know someone might be isolated or lonely. While these interactions don’t activate the same touch-based neural pathways, they still stimulate our social sense of belonging and intimacy.
- Don’t just “check in” on people who are alone — connect with them meaningfully. Talking for at least 15 – 20 minutes offers a meaningful conversation, a real connection.
If friends have described feeling ghostly or unreal, do your best to appreciate that the absence of touch has been a significant emotional loss for them during this time. One that you may never fully understand. Try not to say “I know how you feel,” if you are not in the same position.
It’s difficult to know how the pandemic will change our social attitudes towards touch in the long term. Will we still shake hands? Hug colleagues? A study conducted from January to March 2020, mostly before lockdown measures were introduced, found that 54 percent of people already felt they had too little touch in their lives.
It’s so sad how the pandemic has actually reshaped our relationship with touch; the thing that represents something so close, intimate and important, now represents something that’s actually dangerous that we should avoid. Even if we don’t fully register it, we are going to feel surges of anxiety at the idea of getting a hug. It’s going to take a while to bring us down from the danger alert of touch.
