Many of us have been there: we are introduced to someone new as “A talented writer/accountant/salesperson/musician” etc. Rather than accept the compliment, we swiftly downplay our strengths, and feel a little embarrassed. But why are we so quick to respond this way when we talk about our achievements?
Anxiety about sharing our successes can mean that we miss out on opportunities, including promotion at work and celebrating good news with friends. It can also make it harder for us to see ourselves in a positive light, increasing our feelings of imposter syndrome and affecting our self-confidence.
To break this unhappy cycle, we need to start talking about ourselves in a better way – from challenging a perfectionist mindset that has us doubting our abilities to overcoming anxieties about seeming boastful.
Acknowledging successes to ourselves
So, why do many of us struggle to talk positively about our achievements – and what we can do to change this? Often, when we receive a compliment we feel awkward, as if we don’t deserve it, thinking, ‘after all, it’s only me’. This thinking is prevalent in our culture, and is limiting to both our self-esteem, and our confidence. Deep down, we can think we aren’t good enough, as if the good piece of work we did was more of a ‘fluke’ than the result of our hard work. But having the confidence to talk positively about our achievements to others can become easier when we start to acknowledge these successes to ourselves first. We worry so much about what other people might think, we have to approve of ourselves first, instead of waiting for validation from outside of ourselves.
Try taking time to acknowledge your own successes. Set aside half an hour or so and write a list of your achievements. At first, it may feel challenging or forced, but as you get going you may find the words flow. Include things that might seem small but are still important to you. This act of self-approval can boost your confidence and, in turn, make it easier to then share your successes with others. And, the more we start to talk more positively about ourselves, the easier it gets. Your light will begin to shine, and people will take notice. Also, you are more likely to be seen as a person who is capable and confident. Each time we do this, our self-worth grows along with our confidence. Talking positively about ourselves and being open about our successes can help us feel better within ourselves, as well as open doors to new opportunities. And it can feel joyful to celebrate something we’re proud of with others.
Overcome worries about boasting
A much better way to think about receiving a compliment is that you’re being honest, and it’s OK to acknowledge that you also thought you did a good job. It doesn’t mean it’s boastful, rather it’s confident. This is resilience, and very necessary to lead a balanced life. As humans, we are supposed to be growing, doing our best, and recognising our strengths and weaknesses.
Many of us worry about seeming boastful and the need to be modest. But maybe we’re too focused on that concern, to the point where we devalue our successes. We can feel it’s ‘bad’ to sound like we are boasting and being big-headed but it’s just conditioning from our childhood and we can choose to free ourselves from that.
Trying it out
It can help to rehearse accepting a compliment or saying we did something well to ourselves. It may feel a little awkward practising this, but it’ll help it to become second nature. It also helps affirm this positive idea in our mind, making us more confident in the words we’re saying, so we really believe in them.
So maybe you can give it a try, let go of self-deprecation, and instead talk positively about your achievements: tell a friend your good news, and don’t apologise or do anything to diminish what you’re saying. You might be rewarded with genuine smiles and congratulations, they might ask you more about it, and you might actually enjoy the opportunity to talk about your passion. Then you can thank them for their compliments and resist the usual urge to be overly modest. You will have found the courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable, to share something of yourself – something important to you, with someone that you care about. It’s a wonderful feeling.
